How To Score Despite Life's Curveballs: Letting Go Of Ego with Stevie Ward

In the latest episode of Extra-Ordinary Leaders, I sat down with Stevie Ward , elite performance expert, keynote speaker and ex rugby league captain. In 2016 Stevie founded Mantality, through which he aims to encourage conversations around men’s mental health, and help men live with purpose, peace and resilience.

Stevie’s story is an awe-inspiring one, and hearing him share it on the podcast is enough to give anyone chills. By 26 years of age, Stevie was the captain of Leeds Rhinos and the youngest ever Grand Final Winner. But in 2020, a series of injuries forced him into early retirement. 

Now, as Director of a fantastic charity, Stevie joins me on the podcast to discuss how we can all be extra-ordinary, no matter – and often as a result of  – the curveballs life throws at us.

The full episode with Stevie is available here.

Do what scares you

To Stevie, extra-ordinary leadership is our ability to cope with fear. To keep doing the things that frighten us. To lean into our instinct, overcome the ego and step outside our comfort zone.

This, Stevie points out, takes resilience. And his take on resilience is an interesting one – resilience, he says, is about recovering.

Stevie: “I looked at the definition of resilience and it’s about recovering after adversity. Well… what are we recovering to? What are we recovering? And for me it’s about recovering instinct.” 

Expanding on this, Stevie goes on to explain that the instinct he has been on a mission to recover is the trust we have in ourselves as children. Our absolute belief that we can do anything we set our minds to. Our ability to enter a flow state, one of creativity and play. 

It’s in this flow state that we are free from the shackles of our ego, which otherwise is concerned with our safety. The older we get, the more the safety net around us shrinks, becoming a small comfort zone we are reluctant to step out of.

This, of course, is not conducive to extra-ordinary leadership.

Resilience, recovery and instinct

Life, Stevie points out, is much like a rugby match. We’re all running to get over a defensive line, trying desperately not to drop the ball as we dodge and fight obstacles in our way. 

And the hardest part is, the game still goes on whether we’re on top form or in periods of grief, stress, or loss. I’m sure we’ve all woken up at some point and thought “I am simply too tired to get on the pitch and play the game of life today.”

How can we continue to push our way through that defensive line, even during difficult periods, or times of great change?

The secret Stevie shares is to override our ego and lean into instinct. He – quite thrillingly, I must admit! – describes the build up to a rugby game: the stress of wondering whether he’d prepared enough, the panic of trying to remember the game plan, the nerves, the crowds, the noise and then the moment when he walked onto the pitch and it all fell away.

No matter what he had or hadn’t done, Stevie knew the moment was now, and all he could do was lean into his instinct and trust. This is also very true in life. We can be as prepared as we like, we can lose sleep worrying about whether we’re good enough, but eventually we step onto the pitch – or the boardroom – and we have to just do it (as Nike would say).

What stops us from getting over the line?

Our ego is concerned with keeping us safe. To this end, it likes order, it likes control and it likes knowing what’s coming next. Being in flow state – or just doing it – and surrendering to trust is uncomfortable for the ego, and it is often this that is our greatest obstacle to overcome.

The ego wants us to stay in what we know. It wants us to survive, not thrive. It loves status because status protects us. It’s rooted in our evolutionary history: the more status we have, the more resources, safety and choice we’re likely to have.

But status is a fickle thing and can be easily lost or changed. We need to have trust in who we are outside of our title, and we need others to have this trust in us too – that is extra-ordinary leadership.

Stevie: “In a team we need to be having these vulnerable, authentic, accepting conversations.”

The work Stevie does through Mantality is all about encouraging this vulnerability and authenticity in men, for whom these traits are so often associated with weakness, so that they can find their purpose.

It is purpose that gave Stevie a new direction when the career he’d spent so long building was snatched from under him, and it’s purpose that has led him to his passion for public speaking. 

How might you practise vulnerability and authenticity for a renewed sense of purpose? In what ways is your ego keeping you from crossing the line?

I’ll end with a fantastic quote Stevie shared from Carl Jung: 

“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.”

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The full conversation with Stevie is available here. 

For more information on Stevie, find him on  LinkedIn, check out his website, or head over to Mantality. 

Extra-Ordinary Leaders releases new episodes every week. Follow along on LinkedIn to be kept up to date or contact me directly at info@dollywaddell.com.