What Most Leaders Get Wrong About Resilience: Insights For Better Management with Olivia Shone
Leadership is a tough role to fill.
A Harvard Business Review study published in 2017 revealed a startling truth. Nearly all CEO candidates had made significant mistakes in the past, with a staggering 45 per cent experiencing a major career setback that either cost them their jobs or inflicted severe financial damage on their companies.
This means the average leader will deal with at least one form of adversity in their career. But how do the best leaders emerge triumphant, if not unscathed?
This is where resilience comes in.
Why do we need resilience?
Recently, on the extra-Ordinary Leaders podcast, I had the pleasure of interviewing Olivia Shone, a psychotherapist, well-being leader, and resilience expert. She also happens to be my sister!
One of the first things Olivia pointed out was that leaders need resilience to thrive in today’s fast-paced world.
Olivia: “Life is extremely fast-paced and demanding in terms of who we should be and what we should be doing. This pressure often prevents us from giving ourselves attention and time to process life. Ultimately, we find that we get stressed, which may lead to anxiety or depression.
All of this is on an everyday level. But then we also have those big crises and challenges that come along at some point in our lives, and it's more of the same. However, learning to be resilient is a way of counterbalancing and finding a way to meet both the everyday challenges and the HUGE challenges. It's a way of staying balanced and staying sane.”
Resilience is what we need for stress. It’s what we need to be able to cope with the constant change and challenges that come with being a leader. And it's what we need to be able to support our teams through tough times.
Redefining resilience
There’s a common misconception about resilience in the leadership space. For many leaders and individuals, it’s a temporary coping mechanism or a reactive quality employed during times of crisis.
But resilience is so much more. According to Olivia, it is a “state of being.”
Misconceptions about resilience can negatively impact not only how we handle challenges but also how we engage with our team members who may be dealing with their own crises at work or at home.
As Olivia points out, resilience is a state of being that doesn't switch on or off in specific situations. It reflects a deeper mindset and approach to life that permeates your everyday thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Being resilient involves doing two things (and doing them well):
1. Do the things that bring you joy
Last month, I attended TedxBrighton and was lucky enough to catch Amy Polly’s talk on Mindfulness. Amy calls herself the Chief Mindfulness Rebel, and she has an interesting take on mindfulness.
She initially found this concept difficult to practise. However, she discovered a valuable insight. Research links certain mindfulness practices to increased dopamine production, which is the same hormone that peaks when we experience joy and fun. This led her to reclaim a phrase called "Funfulness."
Joy and fun are not just linked to mindfulness – they can also be powerful tools for building resilience. While not traditionally associated with stress management, these joyful experiences can cultivate a sense of peace, connection, and well-being, which are vital components of resilience.
2. Surrender to the challenge
In business leadership, resilience is often discussed from a “hard-as-nails,” somewhat “masculine” perspective. There is a common misconception that resilience is akin to having an inherent toughness or an unyielding stoic character that prevents you from feeling the depth of challenges or stress.
But it’s so much more than that. There’s an unspoken angle to resilience: surrender.
Olivia: “We can often want to fight a problem, ignore it, and overcome it. But if it's there, it's there. Often, when we resist something, it just keeps persisting. There's a little saying in the therapeutic world: whatever we resist persists.
I’ve found the idea of surrendering to whatever is challenging very helpful. It ties back to our original definition of resilience – this state of being and adopting an attitude of acceptance. Surrender is not about hopelessness or giving up, but it's about accepting what is there. When we do that, we enjoy a state of calm.”
Imagine a child throwing a tantrum to get attention from their parent. When the parent finally turns and acknowledges the child's distress, the tantrum subsides, and the connection between them improves.
Similarly, when we resist or suppress our inner struggles, they often intensify. Surrendering to our emotions and challenges, even the difficult ones, doesn't mean giving up; it means acknowledging and accepting what is present within us.
This approach, often overlooked in the high-pressure world of leadership, is a cornerstone of resilience. By turning towards our anxieties, fears, and vulnerabilities, we open a space for them to be seen, heard, and understood. This allows us to access our resilience and navigate life and career difficulties with greater awareness, compassion, and strength.
The bottom line
Leaders must move beyond the outdated view of resilience as mere toughness and instead embrace a richer, more holistic approach. By understanding resilience as a dynamic state of being – encompassing both the willingness to experience joy and the courage to face and integrate our challenges – we can better support ourselves and our teams.
This more nuanced understanding of resilience encourages a culture of empathy, personal growth, and sustained performance, ultimately benefiting both leaders and their organisations.
For more insights on how to build resilience as a leader, listen to my full conversation with Olivia on the extra-Ordinary Leaders podcast.
You can also subscribe to my YouTube channel or explore the free resources on my website for more insights on how to dial up the extra-Ordinary in your leadership.
