RETELL THE STORY
A few years ago my husband and I were having some marriage coaching, an MOT moment for our 10 years anniversary.
We wanted to check in and make sure that we were dotting the ‘i’s’ and crossing the ‘t’s’ with regards to our connection and trajectory. Having 4 kids in 10 years means that there is a lot of “life” to distract you from your intentions. The day to day stresses can take the place of our deeper hopes and dreams.
As we went through our coaching we discovered patterns of behaviour in our marriage, some great patterns, some not so great patterns. The latter became affectionally known as the ‘Poo dance.’ The ‘Poo dance’ was when my husband and I would get into a familiar negative dynamic where I would behave one way, he would behave one way, those two behaviours would clash and we would enter the ‘Poo’ dance that was good for neither one of us. This ‘poo dance’ becomes all too familiar in relationships. Any of you in any long-term relationships (incl parent/child relationships) will be familiar with your own “poo dance.” It stinks, it’s not fun, it’s a set play, one thing triggers another and you have a dynamic that seems immovable.
The ‘poo’ dance exists when we are living out a subconscious story that keeps us trapped in a negative dynamic cycle.
When you are in relationship with someone (think of a colleague, a boss, a partner, a child even) we can tell ourselves a story that becomes so subconscious we become unaware of that story playing in our mind. That story can be great, but if it’s a negative story it will create a “poo dance” and get in the way of not only your relationship, but in the way of your potential to be great within that relationship. Yes, even with colleagues. If you have made your mind up (aka a fixed mindset) and are telling yourself a negative story about someone close to you, you will react to them negatively. You will be unable to bring your best self to that relationship. You will withhold your potential. You may even be missing out on opportunities, promotions, and enjoyment.
Here are some ideas on how to Change your story.
What subconscious story are you living out that is creating your own ‘poo’ dance at work.
1. Think of a relationship at work (or home) where you feel unable to be yourself, or you feel hopeless about, or where there is tension or where there is little psychological safety.
2. Draw awareness to the story you are telling, clarify some sentences that you are believing and or feeling around that relationship. Eg. “My boss never listens to me,” “they don’t value my contribution” or “oh help this is awkward”
3. Reframe the story, think of a different story or sentence that frames it in a way that can set a new tone. Eg.“What different way can I try to communicate so that my boss can hear my ideas” “I’m going to take critique from my colleagues as a constructive help and adapt rather than become offended and use it to grow my performance.”
For help with changing and reframing your story so that you, your team, or your family thrive, get in touch as I can help you bring your best self to the table.
