HOW TO WORK OVER CHRISTMAS – THE SECRET QUESTION.
Warning * for the person who works too much! Not the person who doesn’t!
I was struck yesterday by a friend saying "There are just some jobs, in some sectors, where work is just so full-on you really can’t slow down because it mounts up beyond measure and you’ll never catch up".
Whilst I know this can be true I felt extremely hopeless about her situation. Another associate of mine said something similar but their wording was "I always go above and beyond even if I’m not asked and don’t need to". So where does that leave us for the other aspects of our life? What about our mental health, family, relationships, recreation and the time we need to rediscover our wonder and true selves under the weight of a busy job/life.
Whilst there is no simple answer, I would like to remind us of our agency. We are not victims; we are not controlled by people. I realise that for many there are circumstances where we feel like victims to things such as sickness, unfair pay etc and circumstances can seem controlling (busy job, too many expectations from your boss, Covid regs etc). However, within these challenges we have agency. Your agency is your choice on how you can affect and influence your life. You get to decide how your life is flowing and functioning within the constraints around you.
There is a secret question you can ask yourself as you seek to find a greater balance. This question won’t bring everything into perfection but will start the process for greater agency.
Sometimes we live one way and want it to be 180 degrees different. For example, ‘I’m overworking and have few boundaries with my work/life balance’ can then become a quest to ‘be so balanced every piece of my time is constructively focused on a pre-planned rota to create the “new me” work/life balance.’ Whilst this would be great, it is highly unrealistic and sets us up to fail. Rather than wanting to get from A to Z, how can we get from A to B?
What is the secret question to get us greater agency? The question I'd encourage us to ask this holiday is;
‘Every time I’m doing something robotically such as working, finishing a task or getting through a list… WHAT AM I SAYING NO TO?’
Are you missing exercise, time with family or friends, a walk with your dog that you know you need and want to do, time to read that book, time for a needed lie-in, time for spiritual reflection? Every time your habit of working kicks in “in the name of working hard” what are you indirectly saying NO to? Are you saying NO to seeing your mum, or saying NO to a workout that you know you need to clear your head? Are you saying NO to spending time with your kids where they will learn you love them by being present or are you saying NO to family meals?
Don’t forget “working hard” can sometimes be the sheep in wolves clothing, a trickery, a habit that steals the meaning of your life.
When you say "Yes" to your work bleeding into your entire life, what are you saying "NO" to?